Words of "wisdom" from the Facebook universe:
"Would you board a plane that crashed 50% of the time? No? Then why do people get married if marriages fail 50% of the time?"
I know, right? Because strapping yourself in an airplane -- where you have no control over anything that happens on the flight -- is exactly the same as getting married. After all, you have absolutely no control over anything that happens in your marriage either.
Did I get that right? Well, according to the self-centered philosophies of the day, I did.
Honestly, how did we get to a place where couples refuse to take personal responsibility for the health of their relationships? It seems like all you hear these days is "my husband wasn't meeting my needs", without even a nod to the fact that the wife wasn't meeting a fraction of her husband's needs. And suddenly the marriage is being shrugged off as if it were a coat that has been outgrown. Like Heidi Klum, for example, who recently separated from her husband after seven years of marriage on account of the fact that they have "grown apart".
Now, I don't pretend to understand all the issues that are going on in someone's marriage, but taking the former Mrs. Samuels at her word, I have to say, this is one heck of a lousy excuse.
*Files it away next to "It just happened" and "I just don't love him anymore".*
Here's the thing -- if you fell in love once, you can fall in love again. If you find yourself in a relationship where you have "grown apart" you have a duty, especially when children are involved, to grow back together again.
Obviously there are times when a marriage isn't salvageable. But these are the exception, not the rule. "Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other" -- yes, a responsibility. A solemn one. Even when times are hard. That means no treating your husband like garbage. No talking badly about him behind his back (or in front of his back, for that matter). And no berating him for the things he doesn't do instead of appreciating him for the things he does do.
As my wise mother once said, "It is not my job to make my husband perfect. It is my job to make him happy." And you can't do that when you are criticizing his every move.
Think about it: Would you want to come home to you?
Of course there is responsibility on both sides, but getting married is not like hopping on a plane with fingers crossed and hoping luck will allow you to stay in the air. In marriage you choose your co-pilot, you choose your actions and reactions, and you choose where you are going and whether you will enjoy the journey. A happy marriage is a choice.
It's time we stop divorcing it from personal responsibility.