4:55 PM: Help Michael untie his swimsuit so he can make a run for the bathroom
4:55:30 PM: Help Matthew and Leah out of their car seats
4:57 PM: Get everyone inside
4:58 PM: Head to the bathroom myself
5:01 PM: Michael calls from the toilet, "Mom, there's something wrong in here!"
5:02 PM: Walk into the bathroom to help Michael
5:04 PM: Help Michael resolve his issue
5:05 PM: Wash hands and leave bathroom
5:05:27 PM: See this mess in my kitchen:
5:05:29 PM: Pull the suspect out of the pantry
5:05:35 PM: Try not to explode with anger
5:05:45 PM: Take said suspect's mug shot:
5:06 PM: Decide he looks too happy for someone who is about to be incarcerated for life
5:06:23 PM: Take another picture, for evidence:
5:07 PM: Remove suspect from crime scene
5:08 PM: Remove suspect's clothes and confiscate weapons (a teaspoon and a few measuring cups)
5:10 PM: Begin sweeping
5:25 PM: Realize I'm going to have flour in the cracks between my floorboards until about 2027.
5:25:10 PM: Give up
5:30 PM: Make dinner
6:20 PM: Allow suspect out on bond to attend his brother's soccer game
6:45 PM: Suspect displays poor judgment by spending half the game trying to eat fertilizer pellets off the grass.
7:25 PM: Arrive home
7:30 PM: Find suspect standing on top of the kitchen table, playing with the chandelier
7:35 PM: Bedtime routine commences
7:58 PM: Suspect is behind bars
7:59 PM: Warden determines he does not look sufficiently repentant:
8:01 PM: The criminal in the adjoining cell looks like she is plotting something:
Notes relevant to crime scene: Yes, I do have a child lock on my pantry. Yes, I did forget to make sure it was engaged before I left the suspect alone in the kitchen. Yes, I have learned my lesson.
And yes, I do need some chocolate and a massage.
How did you guess?