Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Enslave the Whales

Animals are not the same as humans.

I'm sorry to have to break it to you, but it's true.  I know we've all grown up on a steady diet of Disney movies where all the animals talk and dream and hope to break free of their cages, but that's fantasy, not reality.  Unfortunately, the folks at PETA appear to have missed that memo again.  (Funny, you'd think actual humans would know how to use more than just the emotional cortex of their brains).

Yes, our friends at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have a new crusade:  Save the Whales.  And it's not what you think.  You see, they feel that Shamu and his pals, who have lovely homes at SeaWorld where they are fed buckets of fish without having to lift so much as a flipper (and buckets more if they actually do lift a flipper), along with great medical care and no one trying to spear their young, are being held against their will in violation of the 13th amendment, which bans slavery... of humans.  Since, obviously, whales = humans, PETA sued SeaWorld. 

Of the lawsuit Jeff Kerr, PETA's general counsel, said:  "By any definition these orcas are slaves -- kidnapped from their homes, kept confined, denied everything that's natural to them and forced to perform tricks for SeaWorld's profit.  The males have their sperm collected and the females are artificially inseminated and forced to bear young which are sometimes shipped away."

Poor whales.  That is so much worse than the wild where their babies never get devoured by sharks, they never die from their injuries, and they can always find food to eat.

I'm not saying we should go around mistreating animals - we should treat all of God's creations with respect.  (Except for houseflies, cockroaches, and things with stingers, because ewww.  I'm telling you, there's a reason that no one has ever complained about the mistreatment of cockroaches.  It is because the level of outrage someone feels over the poor treatment of animals is directly related to that particular creature's cuteness.  Bugs are disgusting.  Thus, no one is ever like "Save the cockroaches!" or "Free the scorpions!").

Thankfully a judge saw fit to toss this ridiculous lawsuit in the deep end of the ocean where it belongs.

To Shamu's great relief, I'm sure.


MyDonkeySix said...

Oh, PETA. Once upon a time you actually made sense and had a cause. Now, well . . .

Shauna Black said...

Once I was hanging out with some wildlife biologists whose living is based on conservation and such.

Even THEY think PETA is nuts, and they told me so. That amuses me.