Tuesday, May 5, 2015


In case you haven't heard by now, The Duchess of Cambridge recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, after which she showed the world what all mothers look like ten hours after having their lady bits bulldozed by an eight pound bowling ball.

What, you didn't look like a TRESemme commercial?  What is wrong with you?

Sure, Duchess Catherine had a team of blow dryers and mascara appliers to help her out, but judging by the comments attached to the "First Pictures!" news articles, all it takes to prance out of the hospital looking runway fresh in your size 4 pants is not being a lazy slob for your entire pregnancy.  Seriously, if you would have just gotten off your fat behind and not indulged yourself with foods-with-actual-calories the entire pregnancy, childbirth would be a breeze.

Stitches or no stitches.

This makes me realize two things:

1.  I should not read comments on news articles.  Ever.
2.  I hate women.

Look, Duchess Kate was lovely.  Like, better-than-I-will-ever-look lovely.  And I am so happy that she was able to pull it off (Can you imagine the pressure of appearing before a billion flashbulbs when you feel like a Grizzly Bear attacked the entrance to what is now Niagara Falls?)  But this has nothing to do with me, my life experience, or how I felt after childbirth.  (Hint: less Fashion Week and more Seventh-Circle-of-Hell).  I mean, if I had had to appear in public 10 hours after giving birth, I would have sent a selfie to the AP.  Of the baby.  ("Here she is, yo, peace out!")

But I simply cannot believe how incredibly judgmental women are when it comes to other women.  Did you personally experience my pregnancy or give birth to my baby?  Do you know exactly what it is like to inhabit my body or live my life?  No?  Then kindly zip it.

If you are tempted to make a judgy comment about another woman's body, pregnancy, or health habits, remember, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE HER.  None.  Your pregnancy may have been as easy as Venus standing on her clam shell.  Your birth experience may have been as strenuous as blinking.  But that is your experience and yours alone.

If being a woman has taught me anything, it's that we all need a lot more support than we let on.  We all need someone to say, "You look beautiful" when we know darn well that we don't.  We need someone to offer encouragement when we want to quit, and to say, "You are amazing!" when we are falling short.  We beat ourselves up enough.  We don't need other women to join in the fray.

Especially after the physical and emotional trauma that is childbirth.