Is Anyone Surprised?

In the way of supposedly-shocking-but-not-really-surprising-to-anyone-with-a-pulse celebrity news, Madonna and her director husband Guy Ritchie are divorcing after nearly eight years of marriage. I know you are all shocked and appalled. Well, definitely not shocked, but in the case of Madonna it is always safe to be appalled.

The thing that gets me about the whole celebrity marriage charade is that these people seem truly bewildered when their unions crumble. In Madonna's case you are talking about a woman who has made a career out of writhing around on stage in less-than-nothing outfits, writing and starring in movies about her various sexcapades, and possessing such an over-inflated sense of self-importance that she recently dedicated a performance of her hit song "Like A Virgin" to the Pope. Classy. And she couldn't make her marriage work? I'm astounded.

Hollywood seems to be full of these types of people. They find a spouse, spend their days filming steamy love scenes with someone else, and then they end up dissolving their marriages on grounds of "irreconcilable differences". Yes, it is a bit hard to reconcile your sweetie pie rolling around in the hay with someone else, onscreen or not.

Honestly, the most shocking thing about Madonna's divorce is that it didn't happen sooner. If I were Guy Ritchie I would have divorced her as soon she evaporated her body fat and was left with nothing put a pile of veined, bulging muscles. I'm all for a little tone and definition, but the girl looks like she's shooting up testosterone. Nothing says femininity like the ability to bench-press your own body weight with your pinkie toe.

Ick, Madonna. Need I say more?