Dear Abby

I read advice columnists for two reasons: one, to see what sort of ridiculous things people seek help for, and two, to mock the mostly horrible advice the columnists give in response. The only columnist I still have any sort of respect for is "Miss Manners", who has somehow managed to maintain a little dignity and common sense in this crazy world.

Anyway, I read "Dear Abby" on a daily basis. I can't remember the last time I agreed with her advice. Probably when I was about eight. She is just that pathetic in her responses. But it is so entertaining to read that I just can't help myself.

The latest column that caught my eye wasn't really advice-related, it was a bunch of people writing in about surprise pregnancies, and how it is possible for someone to carry a baby to full-term without knowing they are pregnant. I've heard of cases where this has supposedly happened. And I realize people can be in extreme denial about things. But honestly, I just don't think there is a single pregnant woman, including these ladies, who has made it to full-term without having a single twinge or thought or inkling or nudge that she might be pregnant. Come on, your organs do not normally pummel you from the inside. And perhaps the huge belly would be a give-away, or maybe the missing period or the constant need to go to the bathroom. The only way I can see this being remotely possible is if a woman is very overweight in the first place and old enough to mistake herself as going through menopause. But your average-looking, childbearing-aged woman? If she didn't notice she was pregnant, don't you think someone would? A husband perhaps? Or a friend? Or the little old ladies at church? Seriously.

And surely, even if you didn't realize you were pregnant, wouldn't you realize something was off? The symptoms of pregnancy are often so dramatic I can't see that any sane, otherwise-healthy person would not seek the care of a doctor. If you didn't think you were pregnant, wouldn't you at least be concerned about all the aches and pains you were having?

I read all these stories, and I'm just not convinced that these women didn't "know" they were pregnant. They may have ignored the little red flags popping up along the way, but to make it full-term and have no idea? Come on. How could anyone be that clueless? And as for the nurses that "didn't know", would you really trust them to work in your hospital after ignoring every possible warning sign in their own bodies? I know I wouldn't. Who knows what else they might be missing?