A Survey

Today I was looking through some old emails and happened upon this hilarious survey. While he never fessed up, I am certain it was created by my brother-in-law as a response to getting one too many email questionnaires about whether he prefers to be hugged or kissed. (Double kisses on both cheeks, of course, right Brian?).

And since I secretly love email surveys, I had to post it (with my responses), for your reading pleasure.

1. If you could be any Muppet, which would you be? Cookie Monster, for obvious reasons

2. What is your favorite nine-letter word? chocolate

3. Who is your favorite Byzantine Emperor? I don't even want to pretend I can think of one.

4. If you were a professional wrestler, what name would you use? The Procrastinator

5. What time is it right now? 10:18 PM

6. At the North Pole? No idea

7. Who will be the US President 4 years from now? Obama

8. What is your favorite food-related song? "Whip It" by Devo

9. What's the best anagram of your name? be novel irony

10. Have you ever hidden dirty dishes in your oven? No, but I have crammed them into the dishwasher as a temporary holding place, and I've thrown clean laundry back in the washer.

11. In what year and month will Stephanie publish her next book? April 2009

12. In what year will the Red Sox win the World Series? 2025

13. Would you rather be a forest or a street? A Forest. I prefer not to be run over.

14. What type of case will Marshall win next in court? Inheritance dispute

15. How many fondue forks are in your home? one

16. How many pairs of chopsticks are in your home? I threw them all away when I decided my pride would not be damaged by using a fork.

17. Which species would you most like to see become extinct? politicians

18. What's the biggest prime number you can think of (without the aid of a pencil, paper, computing devices, etc.)? 83

19. What's the largest varmint you've ever dispatched? a cecada

20. Who is your favorite poet? my brother-in-law, Brian

21. How many complete Boobahs episodes have you watched? 0

22. What's the most effective way to annoy your spouse? leave my stuff out on the bathroom counter

23. How many traffic tickets have you received in the past 2 years? 0 (I've never had a traffic ticket, or been pulled over, thank you very much).

24. What's the slimiest thing you can think of? Bill Clinton

25. Who would you rather have as a dinner guest?
a. FDR or TR? TR
b. Dr. Seuss or Dr. Laura? Dr. Laura
c. Darth Vader or Ralph Nader? Darth Vader
d. Richard Nixon or Richard Simmons? Richard Nixon
e. Donald Trump or Donald Duck? Donald Trump - I would attack his hair with scissors
f. Karl Rove or Karl Marx? Karl Rove
g. Count Dooku or Count Basie? Count Basie
h. Bill Clinton or Bill Gates? Bill Gates. I wouldn't want to have to disinfect my house after Bill Clinton
i. Prince Charles or a warty frog? Prince Charles
j. Sponge Bob or Big Bird? Big Bird
k. Jimmy Buffett or Warren Buffet? Warren Buffet
l. Plato's Ghost or WB Yeats? Plato's Ghost
m. Prokofiev or Stravinsky? Stravinsky

26. What's the last item you purchased from Ebay? I'm ashamed to admit I've never purchased anything from Ebay.

27. What's your favorite epitaph? Someone else's

28. Name the most annoying song of all time. The Song That Never Ends

29. What appropriate punishment would you suggest for the creator of said song? To listen to that song and nothing else for eternity.

30. What's your favorite seldom-used word? abominable (close second: lugubrious)

31. Have you ever stepped on a snail? no, thank goodness

32. Have you ever eaten a snail? no, thank goodness

33. Which is more unpleasant? eating a snail

34. Who is the messiest child you have ever known? One of my nieces, I won't say which

35. Who is the messiest adult related to you by blood? Evil HR Lady

36. If you could ban one hymn or primary song, which would it be? Ring Out Wild Bells

37. Have you ever eaten Patagonian Toothfish? No

38. Do you categorically oppose any and all inheritance taxes? Yes

39. What's your favorite ancestor name? Emma

40. Who is your favorite fictional character? Ian Roshek

41. Not created by a close relative? Dumbledore

42. What is your favorite music that you would be least suspected of liking? Country

43. What is meant by mamelon and ravelin? I don't know, but it's in Pirate's of Penzance