From the Grotesque Files

*Warning: This post contains a link with pictures that you might find disturbing. (At least I hope you find them disturbing. If you don't find them disturbing, please unfriend me on facebook). Click through at your own risk.*

I wish I had boobs. Really, I do. (There is nothing quite as depressing as weaning twins while dieting and watching your voluptuous curves morph into deflated little bean bags). That said, plastic surgery is out of the question. I mean, how embarrassing would it be to die from boob-job-related complications? "What did you die of?" "Oh, I was killed in the American Revolution. How about you?" "Um, I died because I wanted a bigger rack." Besides, who needs surgery when when there's such a thing as the wonderbra?

But, some women like the perks (pardon the pun)that a little surgical enhancement can provide, so they go under the knife. Which is understandable. Like I say, I'd love to have boobs, myself. But, as I've written about in the past, some women have taken the whole Chesty McCleavage obsession too far.

Of course, when I wrote the above-mentioned blog post, I didn't realize Ms. Gallon-of-Silicon size 38KKK would be bumped off the totem pole by someone with a pair of 26-pound bazoombas hanging from her 5'2" frame. Yes, folks, a woman by the name of Chelsea Charms has decided to become her very own Macy's Parade balloon (complete with built-in floatation devices) by surgically strapping a set of size 164 XXX watermelons onto her chest. Well, not exactly watermelons. More like planets. (Little did you know that Pluto was demoted to make room in the solar system for these babies).

It is absolutely grotesque. Her breasts look like they are in a tug-of-war with her body, which doesn't bode well.

I mean, look who won in the tug-of-war with her brain.