I have never lived in a place where the garbage truck has come in the afternoon. I assume there is such a locale, but I always get stuck with the wake-up-the-kids-with-the-beeping-truck-and-banging-of-garbage-cans time slot.
I recently got a letter from my Virginia dentist's office saying they missed me and wanted to know why I hadn't been in to see them. Hand addressed to my Utah address.
When in doubt, bacon will make it taste better.
Atheism is defined as "A belief or theory that God doesn't exist." Judging by how many atheists want all traces of religion removed from public view, I would say a more accurate definition of atheism is "A belief that one should be protected from hearing or seeing anything about God, ever."
Speaking of religion, its definition should be expanded to include fanatical environmentalism.
While I'm all in favor of natural foods, I'm convinced one of the great pleasures of living in this day and age is eating Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream chips. I don't care if the flavor is preserved using formaldehyde. They are so good I will eat them anyway.
I am thinking about spending my entire life savings on a 60-year supply of regular light bulbs so that I don't have to use any more of the high-efficiency (read: slow to turn on, quick to burn out) variety.
Bananas must be slightly green to be considered edible.
It's too bad that something as nice as sex has been mixed up with something as disgusting as the F-word.
Quote of the day, from David, whose shirt bore the brunt of Leah's overflowing diaper: "You know you're a parent when you have poop on your shirt and, since the babies are being good, you want to keep shopping."