Friday, August 22, 2008

Welcome To The World, Zuma Nesta (My Apologies Regarding Your Idiot Parents)

Gwen Stefani and her husband Gavin Rossdale just had a baby boy. They named him Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. (I'll pause while your eyebrows find their way back to their regular position...)

Now, I realize his parents are rock stars, but how could they do this to their child? What is wrong with people nowadays? (I would say just celebrities, but I've heard a wide range of idiotic names from regular folks as well.)

I think there should be an application for parenthood that everyone is required to fill out before they can have a baby. It would consist of one question: What do you plan to name your child? If the answer is something that would allow that child to be considered for a respectable job in twenty years, then you can have a baby. If not, sorry, no kids for you.

And while we're on the subject, please use normal spellings when naming your children. Don't make them spend their whole life explaining their name.

Seriously, Zuma Nesta? These people should not be allowed to reproduce.


Julia said...

I can still hear the hospital story: "Placenta? That's a pretty name. I'll name my daughter Placenta."


foculbrown said...

To: Name Verification Bureau
RE: Late Paperwork

To Whom it May Concern:
I would like to submit a name to you for approval. The name is "Colter". It will not spelled with a "u" in it, so we don't get confused with an over-zealous neo-con talking-head. And since we are filling out paperwork, I would like to submit the following names for your approval: "Davis", "Marin" and "Audrin". Since this is a government agency, I will expect your approval sometime around their graduation from college.

Thank you for wasting our tax money,

foculbrown said...

Check out what happened to a girl named "Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii".

Evil HR Lady said...

I don't know. You named your child something all freaky like "Michael," so what do you know?

I linked to you, by the way. Hope you don't mind.

lori said...

In Switzerland they require parents to name their children based on a list of govenment-approved names.... they also have very good chocolate.