Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Going Nowhere

Along with my credentials as a Certified Professional Wimp and World Class Procrastinator (CPW and WCP, respectively, known in professional circles as a "Full Chicken"), I suffer from a deplorable lack of ambition. Seriously. Put me in a room full of ladders and I will sit contentedly at the bottom while everyone else climbs away.

So, it might come as a shock to you when I say that I am ready for a promotion. Maybe this newfound desire for a change in status has something to do with events that took place this morning: My twins used the toilet as a bathtub and then followed it up by using the bathtub as a toilet. (Apparently there are some finer points of bathing that we need to go over). And, not helping is the fact that Michael seems to have permanently misplaced his ears, and by extension, his brain. "I'll listen when I'm seven, Mom," he says. With the number of time-outs going on around here, I'm almost willing to give into his fondest wish at the moment, which is that I go to work while David stays home with the kids.

It's tempting.

Or maybe what's pushing me over the edge is the fact that this sweet little girl:

keeps doing this to her brother:

A case of the bite being worse than the bark.

As promotions go, I'm not looking for anything big or more prestigious. A change in title would do, really. I would like to go from being "Mooooooooom" or "Mamamamamama waaaaaaah" to "Mom" or "Mama", said sweetly and with a smile. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Frankly, I would settle for Michael turning on his brain and Leah putting her teeth away. And ending her run of pooping in the tub.

Maybe I should forget the promotion and just take a vacation.

It would be so nice to let someone else clean the poop out of the tub.


Cameron and Nonie said...

Bonnie! You poor thing. Holy cow. I'm so sorry. No really, I am. Do you need to run away? I'm not too far away and I promise I'll watch your cuties while you eat brownies. And his poor cheek...Ahhh! Hang in there girl.

Stephanie Black said...

Owww! I hate it when kids go on biting kicks. And cleaning poop out of the tub is one of the ickiest motherhood things.

And thanks for the certification terms--now I know what I am too--a CPW and WCP.

Dr. Mom said...

Ouch! I literally had to cover my mouth with my hand. Who would've thought that Leah had it in her? Looking forward to seeing you soon! :)

fiona said...

Oh WOW!!! Look at that chomp! And how the heck does one even DO that in that location?? Talent, for sure. A talent that hopefully she allows to fall by the wayside... Yeah, she looks like such a little sweetie there. That's when they're the MOST dangerous, though, when they look all innocent and adorable.

Maeve is on this endless screaming kick. About anything. It's driving me batty. At least they're cute, right?

Also, just don't bathe them. There's the solution to the poop in the tub thing. You're welcome. ;)

Sara said...

OUCH! How on earth does one bite another human of the same size in that location?

And Fiona's right - they're most dnagerous when looking cute and innocent.

I'm on day 9 of a 21-day single parenting stint (also known as Himself's business trip), and I think I'm falling into the "sit in a corner, rock back and forth and moan" stage - mostly because I got sick the first day he left.

I'm not even a huge chocolate fan, and I'd like to run away and eat brownies too. :)

((hugs)) Here's hoping it gets better.