Three Down, Two to Go

I have now watched "New Moon" and "Eclipse" and lived to tell the tale, mostly because of David's hilarious running commentary throughout each movie; for example:

"Oh, Edward, you're so sexy when you're walking through a parking lot."

Hahahaha!  But seriously, the last time I saw that slow-motion, bouncing-hair film technique it was on a supermodel whose hair wasn't the only thing bouncing.  So to see it on a pasty-white, cranky-looking vampire was pretty hilarious.  Unintentionally hilarious, of course, since these movies are dead serious.  And by "dead serious" I mean so angsty and moody that by the end you feel the urge to sit in a trendy cafe and recite poetry containing words like "maudlin" and "lachrymose."

"Eclipse" was definitely better than "New Moon" but that was an easy task considering nothing happened for the entire movie in "New Moon".  Oh, Jacob turned into a shirtless werewolf and Edward tried to sparkle himself to death at the end (proof that the Romeo and Juliet story line is just as ridiculous as ever). But aside from Bella playing how-stupid-can-I-get by jumping from dangerous activity to dangerous activity in hopes of seeing Edward's pastel face in her subconscious, there was nothing going on.  An hour or so into Bella's moronic escapades -- because I wasn't focused on the movie -- I leaned closer to David in our freezing basement and said, "I'm still cold."

"I'm still bored," he replied.

Luckily, "Eclipse" had a teaspoon worth of plot, so it was slightly more tolerable, but I still laughed out loud when an army of newborn vampires slunk up from beneath the surface of the lake just like creatures from the Black Lagoon.  Almost as hard as I laughed when one of the vampire bigwigs tried unsuccessfully to read Bella's mind and David said, "They can't read her mind because there's nothing in there."

That about covers it.