Thursday, August 6, 2009

What's in a Name?

How much is your name worth? $5? How about $10?

Well, one mom-to-be is hoping a name is worth a lot more than that. She is thinking along the lines of $25,000, but she'll settle for $150. After all, times are tough.

Lavonne Drummond is expecting her seventh child in September, and since money is tight with that many mouths to feed, she is auctioning naming rights for her unborn child on Ebay. She says she'll honor whatever name the highest bidder chooses, and even allow the baby namer to visit the child.

Which means she will have to watch out for people like my husband, who says he would bid $5 just to name the kid "My-Parents-are-Idiots" (though he didn't specify whether the name would be hyphenated). They could call the kid M-pai for short. But, unfortunately for David, the minimum bid is $150, so he will have to fork over a bit more money if he wants to teach the parents a lesson.

He still has time to think about it, however, since as of this writing Mrs. Drummond has yet to receive a single bid for her ridiculous scheme.

Honestly, what kind of person is going to spend money to name someone else's child? And what kind of mother allows this responsibility to be parceled out to the person who can hand over the most Ben Franklins?

I think society, as a whole, has lost their minds when it comes to naming babies. We forget how important a name is and what a profound effect it can have on a child, and instead get caught up in whether it's cute, or unique, or impossible to spell. Then we get names like (and I am not making this up - I read it a few weeks ago on another blog): La-ia. Pronounced "Ladashia", because, of course, the dash isn't silent.

When you choose a name for a child, you have to realize you are naming an actual human being who will have to function every day with the name you attached to him. It is a serious responsibility, and the consequences of making a bad name choice should cause any parent to spend a whole lot of time mulling over the decision.

So, to hand this responsibility to a stranger, who has no connection to or love for your child, is not just bad parenting, it's abusive. I mean, who knows what name that child could end up with?

Poor little "My-Parents-are-Idiots". He's never going to hear the end of that one.


Sara said...


This is on our minds a lot lately, as we've come up with a first name for Pebbles, but not a middle name. And I can't imagine handing that over to anyone else - especially for the paltry amount of $150!

We've really lost our marbles as a society, I think.

David said...

And if you need any more convincing, the winning bidder gets free shipping.

BTW, the winning bid is up to $2,600.

Amy said...

HaHaHaHA!! Y'all crack me up! Poor little "M-pai." You'll have to keep track of that one so you can tell us all the end result. Very unfortunate...I can think of many children who should technically be named "M-pai" as well.