Matthew's Science Experiment

Supplies Needed:

1 freezer
$100 worth of food
1 on/off button or knob
1 small boy who likes buttons and knobs:

Step by step instructions:

* Go out to the garage
* Grab your scooter and head toward the back door so your mom thinks you are going in the backyard to play
* Once she goes back into the house, open the freezer
* Turn control knob to "off"
* Shut freezer door so she doesn't know you were in there
* Return about a week later to check progress:

Most interesting findings:

* Rhodes Rolls actually explode through the bag when thawed (those are the rolls all over the bottom shelf and in the door).
* Chicken juices are not contained even by vacuum-packing.

Total damage:

6 lbs. of spoiled chicken
4 lbs. of bacon
4 lbs. of butter
3 lbs. of ready-to-eat shredded pork (that I painstakingly slow-cooked last week)
60 frozen rolls
6 containers of homemade jam
Frozen spinach, Healthy Choice Fudge Bars, and Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches

Sigh.  Oh well.  I've been meaning to defrost the freezer anyway.