Open Marriage

A moment of silence, please... Hugh Hefner's marriage is officially over. Well, he says it was actually over ten years ago, but he stayed married to his wife "because of the children". But now that the little tykes have hit the magical age of 18, it's time to end the charade and get back to the gaggle of girlfriends he's been living with for the past decade (not to mention the constant supply of oversized breasts and undersized bikinis in his playboy mansion).

I'm so glad he stuck it out all those years for the sake of his children - great example, Hef! Way to honor those marital vows!

I think society is in serious trouble, not only from those who wish to redefine marriage as being a right for any two (or more) people who love each other, but from those who treat marriage as nothing more than a legal arrangment with no actual commitment or fidelity required. I just read an article this morning about an online dating site for married folks who are looking for a little bit more. Their motto? "Life is short. Have an affair."

Lovely. That handbasket we're traveling in is starting to get mighty hot.

I keep running into information like this hoping it is somehow out of the ordinary and that there are only a few misguided adults who subscribe to these disgusting theories. But the more I hear and the more I see, this sort of thinking is no longer outside the mainstream - it's edging toward the middle and gaining ground fast.

Just yesterday David was checking out the info on one of his facebook friends and discovered that the guy was in an "open relationship" with his significant other. I'm not sure what exactly is meant by that, but if it's anything like the "open" marriage of the Italian Premier and his wife, the guy has no shame.

Of course, the wife half of the Italian marriage-in-name-only pairing is finally fed up with her husband's wandering ways after 19 years of misguided tolerance for his behavior. Apparently he finally embarrassed her by stepping out with some teenage bimbo at a party when he was supposed to be on a business trip. How dare he?! He could have at least gone for a thirty-year-old in a business suit!

But the idea of open marriage is becoming all the rage, apparently. Maria Princeton, a businesswoman who is in a "very happy marriage" of 25 years with her husband, George, says they have an "amicable arrangement" that allows her to enjoy a little hanky panky on the side. "I'm a class act in infidelity," she says. (Is there such a thing?) She says George is fine with her taking lovers, as she made it very clear from the beginning that she would do whatever she darn well pleased when it came to extramarital sex. She then waxes romantic about how wonderful her husband is and how well their relationship works.

This woman (and anyone in an "open relationship") is delusional, and I highly doubt that her husband truly has no issues with her sexcapades. Sex involves more than bodies, whether Ms. Princeton likes to admit it or not. There are emotional and spiritual aspects to sex that you just can't get away from, no matter how hard you might try to convince yourself they don't exist. You simply can't have a sexual relationship with another person without profoundly damaging your relationship with your spouse, regardless of whether he seems to be going along with it. Someone is always going to be left hurting.

Ms. Princeton thinks an open marriage is the answer because "fairy tales of undying love and sexual and emotional union that lasts for a whole life time [are] really unrealistic." Well, I have news for her: the fairy tales aren't unrealistic at all; they just require commitment, trust, complete and total fidelity, and selflessness - all things she has proven to be incapable of when it comes to her own marriage.

No matter how much time Ms. Princeton may spend trying to convince herself otherwise, her "open marriage" is one fairy tale that can never have a happy ending.