Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Man Boobs

Years ago I worked in a corporate office where we hardly ever saw the owner of the company, but one day the big cheese himself was coming in to crack the whip on us peons. My boss helpfully informed me how to recognize him: "He's the one with man boobs," she said. I giggled, quite sure she was exaggerating. But I stopped giggling when I met him and had to will my eyes to look up instead of down. I felt a little bad for him (you know, as bad as one can feel for a man whose cup size surpasses her own), and then I ate a brownie after lunch because I felt sure I needed a little extra fat to pad my own sad excuse for cleavage.

But, B-cup or not, he seemed masculine in every other respect. And I'm quite sure he had no plans to put his unfortunate assets to use. It's too bad the same cannot be said for the latest loon in the news, Swedish father Ragnar Bengtsson, who is determined to pump his breasts until they produce enough milk to breastfeed his future children.

Raise your hand if you just said, "Eeeeewwwwww!"

Bengtsson has no plans to use any type of hormonal therapy, but an endocrinologist at the Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm says it might be possible for him to produce a "drop or two" of milk after three or four months of pumping.

The full-time student is willing to pay the price for a chance at producing those little droplets even if it means pulling out the breast pump in the middle of a classroom lecture. "...it doesn't bother me if it makes people uncomfortable. If they have issues with it that's their problem," he says.

Yeah, it's just so petty and judgmental to get upset about the whirring of a breast pump drowning out a lecture on the theory of relativity, never mind having to avert your eyes as the guy next to you is using machinery to suck his nipples all the way to Alaska.

Of course, Bengtsson could just take the Karolinska endocrinologist's advice to offer his milkless breast to any of his future offspring: "Men don't need to strive to produce milk but they should take the opportunity to get closer to their child by offering them their breasts in the same way as women," she said.

And I thought that whole breastfeeding doll thing was weird.

8 comments:

mathmom said...

Sometimes I think there is no way that you could outdo some of your past posts. And then you do. I can't even really wrap my mind around this one.

MyDonkeySix said...

Ewwww! Why would you want to torture yourself by pumping for months on end. Not my idea of fun.
Um, and if Marshall tried to put one of our kids on his chest, I'd be calling the mental ward. Ick!

foculbrown said...

I raised my hand. EWWWWWW!

Cameron and Nonie Gay said...

The hand is raised oh so very high.

fiona said...

Yuck, yuck, YUCK! So on that note, is David planning to, um, "help" out? That could be handy with the twins... ;) ;) ;) (That required 3 winks since I'm joking SOOOOO much.)

And I'm all for Nuala "breastfeeding" her dolls, but why the heck is a halter top required for that?!

Twinkies said...

I'm always threatening pete that I'm going to shave his nipples and tape tubes to them so he can nurse. Gets him to stop complaining about being so tired when we have a new baby. Maybe I should get him started on the breastpump.=]

Sara said...

Ewww. and after spending what seems like days connected to the pump myself, in anticipation of my return to work ... OUCH. I can't imagine going throught that horrid torture to produce a "drop or two" of milk.

Where on earth do you find these things?!

Megan B said...

Eww, eww, ewww! Where DO you find this stuff? LOL!