I am not a lucky person. It's not that I never win things, it's that when I win things it's stuff like "Someone needs to clean up the port-a-potties at Girls Camp and that person is... Bonnie." (One of the few things I've actually had my name drawn out of a bag for). If our government ever starts instituting the Hunger Games I'm going to have to hitch a ride out of the country faster than you can say, "despot."
But when it comes to good things, I never win. Case in point, today at Kohl's I presented a coupon for 20% off my purchase. The cashier handed me a stack of scratch-off cards and said, "Here, see if one of these will get you 30% off."
I pulled out a nickel and scratched. And scratched. And scratched. 15% off, 15% off, 15% off... You see where this is going. A wad of ten used scratch-off cards later and I had only gone downhill from my original coupon.
Finally the cashier said, "Look, if you can win me in Rock, Paper, Scissors, I'll give you 30% off."
I had Michael play instead. I'm not dumb.
(Although, seriously, if that's all it takes, just give me the dang 30% off!)
This comes directly on the heels of last Friday. Now, I'm not superstitious. I'll step on cracks and walk under ladders and open umbrellas inside. But I admit that it did give me pause when I confiscated a handheld mirror from Leah and promptly dropped it on the bathroom floor, where it shattered.
"Do you think it's bad luck to break a mirror on Friday the 13th?" I asked David.
Four hours later I was awakened by Matthew's screaming. I stumbled into his bedroom without my glasses on (read: totally blind) and managed not to step on any toys as I made my way toward his bed. "Matthew, what's the matter?" I asked... right as my left hand came to rest in a gigantic pile of vomit.
"I barfed!" he wailed.
Yes, thank you. Noted.
I took him straight to the shower where he screamed his way through a quick scrubdown. Then I handed him to David for re-jammy-ing and snuggling and spent the next hour cleaning vomit-covered bedding and clothing and wondering if it was my stomach that was going to be next in line for the toilet.
Thankfully, it appeared to be a fluke because he was fine the next day and there has been no puking since then.
Of course, by saying so I've probably jinxed myself. I know I said I'm not superstitious, but seriously...
Will throwing salt over my left shoulder fix that?