Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Random Thoughts

David and I were recently sitting in a fast-food restaurant when his cell phone popped up with the closest available wireless network. Name? "Salmonella". I almost put down my meal and backed out the door.

I hate sales that advertise "$4.99 and Up!" Great! There will be one thing on the rack for $4.99 and the rest will be $39.95.

What is up with divorces these days? People say, "We're still best friends" or "We still love each other deeply." Then why the heck are you getting divorced?! If you have that much love and respect for each other, I'm pretty sure you can work it out.

There is a strange Emergency Room marketing campaign plastered on billboards around here. "Get treated, not seated," they say, complete with a current wait-time clock at the bottom. I'm not sure what the point of this is. It's not like you would have your broken tibia hanging out of your leg and say, "Oh, honey, the wait time at the emergency room is 56 minutes. I'd rather go tomorrow instead."

In perusing my shampoo and conditioner labels while showering, I have discovered that they are now "100% Vegan" and "Gluten Free". I guess this would be a good thing, if, you know, we were going to eat them, but as shampoo is not currently on my list of edibles, I think I'll pass. (Lest you think I'm missing the important bit of cultural awareness that is being promoted in my shampoo ingredients, no bees were harmed in the making of this paragraph).

When David and I reach retirement age I refuse to live anywhere that will require me to shovel snow.

Only in the age of facebook would someone take an exciting announcement like "It's a boy!" and wring every last bit of class out of it by substituting, as one of my high school acquaintances recently did: "Just saw me some penis and scrotum!" Wow, save that one for the baby book.

In case you are wondering just how important it is to David to have a clean house, two nights ago, in a brief reprieve from extensive stomach flu-related activities, he thought the toilet smelled so terrible that he staggered into the laundry room to retrieve the toilet bowl cleaner and then gave the bowl a good once over before continuing with the pukes.

There is nothing nicer than having parents who are still madly in love after 44 years of marriage. Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad! (Sorry to have your shout out follow the thought on puking. It wasn't intentional, I swear.)


Sara said...

Okay, on the ER wait time thing - what I want to know is who is going to drive along the interstate and think, "Oh, the wait time is under 10 minutes, I think I'll swing by the ER!"

I mean, really? When we make ER trips it usually means going to the nearest ER, regardless of wait time.

It's very odd. Very odd indeed.

MyDonkeySix said...

I noticed that my body wash has gelatin in it. really? Ugh. Can I use it to make dessert?

I don't get the divorce thing either. People are too lazy.

Um, nasty way to announce that is a boy. Is nothing special anymore?