I would love to lose 40 lbs., but not nearly as much as I would love to bake and consume an entire pan of brownies. And therein lies the problem: I want to lose weight, but I don't want to sacrifice anything for it. I'd rather cut off the size tags on my jeans (on account of their tactless behavior in reminding me how much my hips have expanded) and eat what I want.
But, I realize I need to be healthier. This is why David and I recently instituted a no-sugar-on-weekdays rule. We lasted, oh, twelve hours. Because it was family home evening night, you see, and we couldn't possibly forgo the FHE treat. For the sake of the children, of course.
Then last night David asked me if we were still attempting the no-sugar thing. I shrugged in a noncommittal way, trying to hide the fact that I was in the kitchen sneaking one of Michael's laffy taffys.
"May is a new month. Maybe that would be a good time to start," David said as he inched toward the ice cream in the freezer.
"How about 2015?" I suggested. Then I poured myself a glass of chocolate milk.
The problem is that neither one of us is sufficiently motivated, and both of us are easily swayed by the other's moments of weakness. We need one of us to be really into exercise. Or really into celery. One of the two.
Of course I'm being facetious. I really don't want to have some exercise enthusiast bouncing me out of bed at 6 a.m. to run around the block. There is nothing worse than a person who gets a rush from exercise trying to get me enthused about doing daily sit-ups. But I might be saying that out of bitterness that the only rush I get from a workout is an overwhelming desire to rush to my bed afterwards for a nap.
I can't talk to exercise enthusiasts when I'm looking for advice, either, because they just don't understand why their romanticized talk of cardio and crunches tempts me to make murderous use of their two-pound weights.
So I guess I'll just wait until I get to the point where I'd rather fit into my pre-motherhood jeans than have dessert.
Until then, pass the brownies.