Tuesday, January 21, 2014


Not long after Halloween I was watching a friend's kids while she was at a work meeting.  Before long, the youngest appeared with a Dum Dum sucker in his mouth.  I hate suckers.  Hate them.  If any substance deserves a Dishonorable Mention plaque in hell, it's licked suckers.

I cursed his mother inwardly.  "Really?  You sent your kid to my house with a sucker?"  Besides the inevitable whining that would occur when the other kids discovered there was candy to be had, I really didn't want to be snipping a half-eaten sucker out of my carpet.

Not long after, he appeared with Fun Dip.  "A Dum Dum sucker and Fun Dip?" I fumed.

Over the next hour I watched him come up from the basement (where all the kids were playing together) no less than six times to throw away various candy wrappers.  I was turning into Harry in Home Alone:  Retchafretchinfridgin...!  "What kind of mother sends that much candy with her kid??"  Just as I was I was about to march downstairs and confiscate the rest of his candy -- "I don't care how much candy your mother allows you to have, this is ridiculous!" -- Michael appeared with the tell-tale evidence of blue Fun Dip painted around his lips.

"Michael, where did you get that candy?!  Did (small child) give it to you?"

"No, the Halloween candy bowl is downstairs," he said, as unremarkably as if he were commenting on his fingernails.

"OUR candy bowl?" I asked, suddenly horrified.  "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't bring it down there," he shrugged.

Upon investigation I discovered that our previously full-to-capacity Halloween candy bowl was indeed sitting downstairs... completely empty but for a few inedible candies that only ancient grannies like to eat.  Yes, in one hour six children (three of them small enough to need regular help in the restroom) had barreled their way through more than 100 pieces of candy.  "I only had seven pieces," said Michael righteously, amidst a mountain of empty wrappers and half chewed banana laffy taffys.  "Maybe eight."

When my friend came to pick up her kids I had to confess that I had been judging her while her children had spent their time gorging themselves on my candy bowl.  "If anyone barfs tonight, I'm so sorry," I said.

She laughed her head off.

And I ended the day a little less judgmental.  Kinda like this:

1 comment:

Suzanne Lucas said...

I love this post. I love the video.