Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Tales From the Loony Bin

Yesterday I came out of the bathroom to find that Matthew and Leah had both pulled chairs up to the kitchen counter and were giggling as they used butter knives to literally butter the inside of my plugged-in toaster.  Awesome.  It turns out that gratitude for the fact that your children didn't electrocute themselves, however intense it may be, is fleeting when you discover that you now have half a stick of butter wiped all over the heating elements inside of your toaster.

Add that to the Exploding Sprite Incident yesterday (Matthew got into laundry room cupboard where I keep used to keep the stash of Sprite that I like to have on hand in case of stomach bugs and decided to use one as a projectile) and you almost have a meal - grab a slice of bread, scoop the butter out of the toaster, and, like Michael did, start licking Sprite off the floor, and you're set!

It's like having little Tasmanian devils whirling around the house.

Of course, it's not as bad as last week when I had to call Poison Control on Leah.  Again.  It all started when I was taking a shower and Matthew came in to tell me he had pooped in his underwear.  As I had just put shampoo in my hair, I told him to stand there until I could get rinsed off and then I would help him.  Meanwhile, Leah appeared with an open bottle of gummy bear vitamins in her hand.  Judging by the amount left, she probably ate twenty or more.  So, for the second time in a month I was on the phone to Poison Control explaining how my child had just managed to get around another childproof lid.  This is when the operator was like, "You know, Mrs. Overly, wild hyenas would be more competent at raising children than you are."

Okay, she didn't really say that.  But I have a feeling that I don't have any more freebies before CPS shows up on my doorstep.

After the call to Poison Control I got Matthew cleaned up, and then jumped back in the shower to rinse the shampoo out of my hair.  While I was in there my little destroying angels went into Michael's bathroom, emptied his entire drawer of dinosaur dental flossers into the toilet, and then played a splash game involving toilet water and my freshly washed rugs.  By the time I got that cleaned up and bathed both toddlers, Leah needed to go potty.  While I took her to the big potty Matthew took care of his business on the froggy potty and then helpfully dumped it all over the carpet.

I won't even mention the Magnets in the Toilet Incident or the Poop All Over the Carseat Incident.

Let's just say these two might be taking naps until their college days.


Cameron and Nonie said...

Hang in there. Michael goes to kindergarten next year and you are one year closer to pre-school. Wish I could give you a hand, or at least a few hours by yourself. I do know from experience (from a little boy who shall remain nameless) that if Leah decides to try clorox2 you don't need to call poison control, and if it's Lysol, you are supposed to look for symptoms of them being drunk. Good luck!

Megan B ♥ said...

Your children are nothing if not adventuresome and curious :)

Sara said...

I am still stuck at the part where both your barely-two-year-olds are potty trained (well, sort of ;)!

I know about the "oh lady what on earth are you doing" thoughts that must be running through poison control's head - I had to call to tell them when Woodstock drank an ENTIRE bottle of bubbles. Yeah - winner here too!

kws said...

Nice to know that someone else has Poison Control on speed dial too!