Sunday, January 22, 2012

A Bone to Pick With Murphy

Inconvenient times for stomach-related illnesses (an abbreviated history):

Bonnie, right after giving birth to twins by c-section
Bonnie, the night before a cross-country flight with two nursing babies and an overtired three-year-old
David, the day before a major tax deadline.
David, in the crunch time right before we moved to New York City.

Of course, none of these illnesses is as inconvenient as my brother's, who wins the grand prize for Most Horrific Time to Get the Barfs for having to take the Bar Exam with a trash can next to his desk for mid-question vomiting.  That said, I still feel that we have paid our dues when it comes to stomach-related illnesses.  Therefore, Murphy, you owe my husband and me one romantic getaway.  P.S.  I hate you and your stupid law.

Sigh.  The first night away from our kids in two years and David is forced to spend it bonding with the toilet.  I want a do-over.

Alas, it is back to regular life, which so far has involved poop in the bathtub, a call to poison control after Leah somehow managed to get the childproof cap off of a bottle of allergy medication and start tasting (she's fine), and the discovery that Michael had used the bathroom garbage can as his personal urinal.

It turns out that garbage cans and Mount Everest have something in common - they both generate interest "because they are there."

To top it off, in the midst of this Super Fun Happy Week I found myself glued to the toilet with a bowl on my lap.  By Friday morning I wasn't good for anything but playing dead on the couch.  When I made the mistake of dozing off for a few minutes, Leah and Matthew pulled two bar stools into the pantry and helped themselves to marshmallows and chow mein noodles, pausing only to dump sugar, taco seasoning, cereal, and half a box of pasta on the floor.  Leah also broke my beloved lighted kindle cover (the second one she's damaged beyond repair) and deleted several things off my phone.  It's like a horror story.  Twins:  While You Were Sleeping.

The weather has not really helped my put-upon mood, what with the freezing rain/snow slush fest going on outside.  Nor has the fact that all of my kids are now working on the 75th illness of the season.  In the words of my sister, "I'd trade January for a piece of used gum."

And that's being generous.


singingrae said...

Agreed! I am so tempted to shut down our nurseries at church until everyone gets over all the horrible diseases they are carrying. Seriously. We go to church, we get sick. We stay home a week, go back to church, and get sick again. Can't we fast forward to April?

mathmom said...

I say ditch everything and come party in St. George. After you get over this current round of illness, of course ;)

fiona said...

I don't know why you would call it "Super Fun Happy Week..." That's just wrong. Plain wrong. Unless, of course, you were being sarcastic. Which is unlikely, from you... (And that, my friend, was sarcastic. ;)

Honestly, I think y'all have used up your allotment of ill-timed stomach bugs. And some other peoples' allotment. But look at the GREAT blog post you got out of it! I hope all of you are better soon.