Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Universe Explained

Scene: sitting at the table, eating lunch. 

Michael:  Mom, there's a bug on the ceiling!
Me: Okay
(thirty seconds later)
Michael:  There's still a bug on the ceiling!
Me:  Just ignore it, Michael.
Michael: (standing on a chair, yelling vigorously at the bug)  RRRRROOOAR!  RRRRRRROAR!!! 
Michael:  Is that ignoring it, Mom?

It was like my whole life got explained in one sentence.  If "ignore" means "get as close as humanly possible and yell" I've been approaching this whole parenting thing from the wrong angle.  I wonder what "bother" means, or "pester" or "annoy"? 

Time to recalibrate. 

"No" must mean "Yes", and "Stop doing that" means "Do it with greater enthusiasm, preferably while causing injury to your siblings."  It's like the secrets of motherhood were revealed to me in one shining existential moment.  My universe has been explained.

Well, most of it.  I still don't understand why anyone would stick her hand down the back of her stinky diaper to see what's going on.

Maybe when Leah is older I can ask her about that one.


Stephanie Black said...

It's all clear to me now!

And around here, "Stop doing (blank)!" means "Do (blank) in a slightly different manner and then get indignant when Mom reprimands you, because you're technically not doing (blank), and she must use lawyer-speak to cover every last loophole in forbidding you to do anything related to (blank)."

Suzanne Lucas said...

Yes, it is clear now.

Also, when you don't want your brother to pull your hair, the best thing to do is to lean over him and put your hair temptingly in his face. He will surely never yank on it then.

fiona said...

Huh. No wonder! When I tell Nuala to ignore Bran because he's just trying sooo, so, so, sooooo hard to get a rise out of her, THAT is almost exactly what she does.

Aubrey said...

My kids roar at bugs too. So funny.

Megan B ♥ said...

Wow. I think you may be right about this and I can't tell you how depressed about it I am.