Scene: sitting at the table, eating lunch.
Michael: Mom, there's a bug on the ceiling!
(thirty seconds later)
Michael: There's still a bug on the ceiling!
Me: Just ignore it, Michael.
Michael: (standing on a chair, yelling vigorously at the bug) RRRRROOOAR! RRRRRRROAR!!!
Michael: Is that ignoring it, Mom?
It was like my whole life got explained in one sentence. If "ignore" means "get as close as humanly possible and yell" I've been approaching this whole parenting thing from the wrong angle. I wonder what "bother" means, or "pester" or "annoy"?
Time to recalibrate.
"No" must mean "Yes", and "Stop doing that" means "Do it with greater enthusiasm, preferably while causing injury to your siblings." It's like the secrets of motherhood were revealed to me in one shining existential moment. My universe has been explained.
Well, most of it. I still don't understand why anyone would stick her hand down the back of her stinky diaper to see what's going on.
Maybe when Leah is older I can ask her about that one.