Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Boy Who Cried "Potty!"

Michael has an arsenal of stall tactics that would put shivers down the spine of any four-star general. Recently added to this list is the equivalent of toddler gold - the call to go potty. What mother in the world wants to call this bluff, especially when training is going so well? Of course after three or four giggly five-second stints on the throne, it gets easier to ignore. But still, you hate to tell your child that he can't go potty when you just spent the whole day following him around with treats and stickers trying to make sure any attempts end up in the right place. Especially when this child has recently started removing clothing and diapers in favor of the breezy feeling of naked skin, and you don't want to find any deposits in dark corners. (Of course yesterday he peed in his potty, and then dragged the potty out to the living room where he slopped it down on the floor. Thanks, Michael).

I'm telling you, toddlers are too smart for their own good. Lately Michael has started asking sweetly, with a devilish sort of smile, to be sent to time-out during sacrament meeting. As time-out consists of standing in the corner facing the wall, we are usually willing to give in to his request. You have to feel bad for a kid who is so bored that some quality wall perusal time seems preferable to the toys and books he can have if he stays in the meeting.

Michael also enjoys a healthy amount of well-planned naughtiness. The other day I was brushing my hair and he was begging to have a turn. After prompting him to say, "Mommy, may I use your hairbrush, please?" I handed him my brush, glowingly proud of his parroting ability. "Thank you," he politely said, and plopped my hairbrush directly in the toilet. While most of our household goods end up getting rudely dunked at some point, Michael still manages to catch me off guard with this at times. Okay, so I'm a little slow.

Michael has endless energy to burn, so I often allow him to run next to me down the sidewalk when we aren't walking far. The only problem is that setting him free on the sidewalk immediately adds about twenty minutes to any outing. Every fire hydrant must be touched, every stair must be climbed up and jumped off, every wall must be examined, and every puddle must be attacked with a full-speed, two-footed leap. It is rather like walking a dog, only a dog is significantly more obedient to requests to stop, come, and sit.

Of course, having a toddler is also very fun. Michael has owies that are instantly healed with magical kisses, finds many things completely hilarious and is often helpless with laughter, takes delight in things like trains, buses, sirens, and elevator buttons, loves to play hide-and-seek and will scream with excitement each time he finds you, loves to say his prayers and sing the words to "I am a Child of God", and most of all, is an expert at reminding you why you still love him immediately after you have sworn to banish him to a desert island for the rest of his days.

Um, Michael just walked up to me with a tube of Desitin, which he had helpfully wiped all over his bottom (and who knows where else? I better investigate).

What was I just saying about toddlers and desert islands?


Sara said...

At least (hopefully) he didn't eat the Desitin.

I learned last week a toddler can ingest a small amount and come out no worse for the wear, when Woodstock figured out how to get the lid off the Desitin.

I threatened (nicely) to sell her to the gypsies. Two minutes later I was lavishing loves on her as she wrapped her little arms around my neck in a bear hug.

I'm still not anxious for the potty training portion of toddlerhood.

singingrae said...

oh boy, I laughed till I cried...again. Your blog has that affect on me. :)
I'm currently reading "The Believer" and quite enjoy it. It has taken me much longer than it ought because there are only so many hours in the day when I'm baby-free (like one hour) and the rest of the time...well you know the routine. Anyway, thanks again for the book. It's a fun read. :)

Megan B said...

Oh my gosh! Stop it! Time-out during sacrament meeting??? Oh, the toilet! I am wheezing here! I want the Desitin update :) Complete with pictures.

overlyactive said...

I love it! Everything you said is so true of toddlers, you put it perfect. Good luck with the potty training. Just wait all of a sudden they just get it. It is totally on their own terms though-isn't that the way it always it. =)

Aaron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aaron said...

So you know we're trying to potty train Samara. She is perfectly capable of holding it in and doing it herself, its just an issue of her wanting to go on the potty. The stickers and candy bribes have lost their appeal. Now we're telling her she can't play on Logan's Nintendo DS unless she has gone potty. Last night she was arguing with Tiffany about not having gone potty all day long and Samara was shouting "I just don't CARE about it!" over and over. Defiant little cuss.