Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Close Encounters of the Boob Kind

Years ago we were attending a family reunion at Aspen Grove, which is as close to camping as I ever like to get.  You get a minimalist A-frame cabin and you have to walk to the bathroom BUT THERE IS A BATHROOM and it equipped with flushing toilets and hot showers.  These are camping necessities, in my opinion.  (I think if our ancestors knew that people actually left their homes for a little "vacation" in a tent and a stinkhole of an outhouse, they'd check us into a mental institution).

But I digress.  Anyway, this particular year at Aspen Grove there was a nursing mother whom we dubbed "The Boob Lady."  Why, you ask?  Well, she was one of those women who felt the need to expose her entire breast while nursing, so you'd walk around a corner and suddenly be confronted with this lady's giant breast.  It was like Captain Ahab meets the Great White Boob.

So when I saw this article pop up in my newsfeed yesterday, I was like, "Hey, it's The Boob Lady!" Now, is it actually the same lady?  Probably not, but I can't be sure -- I have trouble remembering faces when someone's boobs are staring me in the face.  (If I were male this would make me a chauvinist, but thankfully I'm a female so this just makes me human).

This New Boob Lady's breast feeding photo has gone viral, not because she's breast feeding, but because she is involved in a staredown with some prudish lady who feels that she is a little too exposed.  (Such Puritanism!  Pshaw!)

Now look, I have zero problem with this lady breast feeding her baby in a crowded restaurant.  Zero.  I don't even care if I see a little boob, or a lot of boob for that matter.  If her sole purpose is to feed her baby, I don't care if she is entirely shirtless.  Breasts are made for feeding babies.  No big deal.  

The problem is not that she is feeding her infant.  The problem is her screw-you attitude and the here's-my-middle-finger staredown she's giving to the lady who feels uncomfortable guessing her cup size.  Moms who just want to feed their babies?  Fine.  Moms who want to use their babies to act like jerks?  Not fine.

Now, how do I know this is her attitude?  Well, I'll let you in on a little breast feeding secret:  With the shirt she is wearing, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that she needs to pull it down from the top to feed her baby.  NONE.  I know this because I have breast fed four infants myself.  And I currently have a baby who absolutely refuses to be covered while nursing -- he'll bat at the cover and wiggle and whine until I take it off, so I only use it in public these days to latch him on, and then I'll let him breathe.  Do you want to see what it looks like while I'm nursing uncovered?  Be ready because this is a close-up and it's really offensive:

Awww, isn't that a sweet picture of a baby napping nursing?  What's that?  You couldn't tell the difference?  Imagine that!

I'm not sure why it is that so many women feel the need to make a statement about breast feeding.  You want to make an impact?  Just freaking be kind already!  Be polite!  Recognize that the universe does not revolve around you or your baby, and that anything you can do to be a decent human being is a good thing.  And then, if someone is a jerk to you about it, they are a jerk.  But don't you be one.  Rudeness begets rudeness.  Kindness begets kindness.  

There now, is that so hard?

No comments: