Thursday, September 4, 2014

Every Mother a Critic

I just watched a video of a c-section, because I'm weird like that.  And all I have to say is that is abundantly clear why you are in so much pain afterward.  I mean, good heavens, they go in there and rip things apart without even using a knife for all of it.  They rip things.  Lots of things.  Ouch.

Of course, vaginal births aren't the most fun either.  Really, there is just no good way to get a baby out of you.  Which is one of my questions for God.  I mean, wouldn't childbirth be easier if the exit were, say, a little more exit-y?  Maybe if there were some kind of zipper involved?

Of course, there is no good way to get a baby out of you, but according to the internet, there is a right way.  And it doesn't involve epidurals.

Now, I know "women have been doing it this way for thousands of years" and I have no problem with natural childbirth.  If you want to ride that pony, be my guest.  But, keep in mind, the reason women did it that way for thousands of years is because they didn't have any other options.  Personally, I like to think that, given the choice, Eve would have been like, "Epidural?  Yes, please!"

So, if you choose to give birth naturally, afterward your line is, "I loved my birth experience!" not "I am superior to anyone who has an epidural!" 

Epidurals are not of the devil.  But making other mothers feel like failures is.

Honestly, ladies, enough with the one-true-and-holy-childbirth thing.  As well as the one-true-and-holy-way-to-feed-an-infant thing.

Seriously, in case you've missed it, breastfeeding is a movement now.  Not just a way to feed your baby, but a moral superiority card you can play whenever someone criticizes you for whipping out your Double D's in the middle of Olive Garden.  (Just type "Nurse-in" into google and you'll see what I mean).

Is breastfeeding great?  Absolutely!  Should you be able to feed your baby anywhere and anytime you need to?  Certainly!  But you know what else is great?  Politeness.  Kindness.  Not flashing your boobs at everyone around you just because the law is on your side.

Also great?  Formula!  Isn't it wonderful that so many babies are growing up healthy and strong thanks to this scientific advancement?  So why do mothers go around criticizing other women for not breastfeeding?  "You're feeding your baby something that is meeting all his nutritional needs!  How dare you?!"

Um, yeah.

Unfortunately, the criticism doesn't stop there.  Pacifiers.  Diapers.  Sleep training.  Potty training...  need I go on?

Let's lay aside the judgment, ladies.  There is more than one way to do all of these things.

And more than one way to do them right.


Julia said...

When I was pregnant I discovered all these "arguments." I was shocked so many people had such strong feelings on stupid things such as what diaper to use or wipes. If it works, then it's great!
Kelli was formula fed and I can't tell you how many times I was being asked to defend myself. Does it really matter? It's my baby!

I was at the doctor's office and this women pulled out her boobs to nurse, I asked her if she wanted a blanket. She got all mad and said that I was the kind of person that gives society the ideas that nursing is bad. I'm all for nursing where ever you want. Just don't flash me!!

And to be fair I have my "triggers." Car seats, I can't stand it when a car seat is installed wrong or the child isn't properly strapped. I corrected my in laws because all I could see was their son flying across the car. And sleep training, I love my sleep. I did everything possible to get Kelli on schedule and to this day some friends call me "the crazy sleep lady."

End rant. :)

Lempskies said...

Congrats on expecting again!
I have had epidurals and natural birth. I loved all of my birth experiences! You get to MEET your baby! And then nurses bring you chocolate cake! And the only thing sane people expect you to do for weeks after is be with your family.

If you haven't read "Dad is fat" I recommend it. It's a very funny book about parenting a handful.