Monday, May 19, 2014


You know you're in the throes of a diet when you're making ramen noodles for the kids and you're like, "Mmmm.... wish I could have some."

I mean, they're ramen noodles, people.  They're like little strips of sawdust flavored by chemicals. They're not even part of the food pyramid.    But man, do they smell good!  (Er, sorry, kids.  I think I may have drooled in your bowl a little bit).

I miss carbs.

Plus, I did a really insane thing the other day.  Costco was selling those giant bags of M&Ms for like $5 and I thought to myself, those will be perfect to pass around at the family reunion... in July. 

Yes, I bought two giant bags of chocolatey goodness and they are going to sit in my pantry for a month and a half.  Which means I have to look at them every time I open the door for a piece of oh-so-satisfying sugar-free gum.

On second thought, maybe I should just bury them.  In the Bermuda Triangle.  

Conveniently enough, I'm pretty sure the Bermuda Triangle is residing with Michael's wallet, my favorite charm bracelet, and the lost City of Atlantis just inside the door of my storage room.

Seriously, my kids got in there last week and thought it would be fun to play Tornado.  (I knew I should have been suspicious when I tripped over the Fischer Price baby Jesus on my way to the laundry room!)  So that is today's task -- disaster clean-up.  I'm hoping to find Matthew's black hole that he uses to transport our most prized possessions to a galaxy far far away.  Wish me luck!

But first, to plow the kitchen.  I made the mistake of mopping the floor on Friday, which was really stupid because my kids still live here.  (New task: send the kids to boarding school.  And pick up a snooty British accent for good measure).

It's true,  dahling, nothing attracts sticky messes like a freshly mopped floor.  You might as well put out a sign that says, "Spills wanted."   And never mind about the clean bathrooms.  (How is it that you can have the house totally spotless on Saturday and then by Monday morning it looks like a colony of Tasmanian devils whirled through?  Does no one know how to pick up their own underwear?  Or aim?)

As it is, it's 11:00, which means I have about eight hours to go until it's time for a Family Home Evening treat.  Eight hours with me, the pantry, and two giant bags of M&Ms.

It's going to be a long day.


Aaron said...

Reading this post reminded me of the bag of chocolate we found under your stairs when we moved into your old house. Love you guys!

Stephanie Black said...

You should send those M&Ms to me. I'll keep them, um, safe for you.

Anonymous said...

Totally an unknown stalker here, but I love this blog. And as a sister in motherhood, I have to tell you, it is not an inalienable right that men and boys get to stand up to pee. When I started insisting mine (four little whizzers) sit, my bathrooms miraculously stopped smelling vaguely of stale pee, which they had previously done, no matter how often they were cleaned. Really, for your sanity, for their future wives. I tell them they can stand anywhere else if they prefer, but not at home.

Mama said...

you must know that your blog is my therapy. Your British accent...hmm...well, I could so help you there - it's rubbish you've been mucking around...ya,ya,ya,ya.

singingrae said...

Seriously, why do we even mop our floors? Especially before a bday party full of 6 yr old boys and cake with ice cream. I'm considering just abandoning it altogether until the kids' feet stick to the floor so badly they won't be able to run around making more messes.