Last night I had a dream that I was back in high school. It was one of those dreams where my logical brain kept trying to override my REM-powered subconscious by presenting me with dream difficulties involving both my current and past lives ("I can't take my AP English test! Who would watch my kids?!") The good news is that this time I didn't have to spend five dream-minutes trying to remember what my locker combination was or how to navigate the random collection of hallways leading to that-class-I-forgot-I-had-until-it-was-time-to-take-the-final.
But still, I woke up incredibly relieved to realize I am no longer in high school. And then it occurred to me (probably because I was in the middle of drafting a review of "Breaking Dawn: Part 2"):
If you were a vampire with all the perks of sparkly immortality to go with it, why on earth would you choose to go back to high school of all places?
I mean, while my high school experience certainly had its positives, it was also packed with enough traumatic experiences that I am STILL HAVING NIGHTMARES ABOUT IT more than a dozen years later. And even if you discount the obvious hell of residing eternally in an environment where everyone has the maturity of insect larvae, frankly, I prefer an existence where no one ever says to me, with a straight face, "You will use this information in your daily life," and then hands me a graphing calculator and a worksheet on limits.
Couldn't Stephenie Meyer at least have had the sense to send her vampires to college? Or do something useful, like, I don't know, develop a cure for cancer or something?
Alas, we have an entire series based around immortal vampires who have chosen to spend an eternity going to high school. Seriously. An eternity. In high school.
No wonder I hated these books.