Monday, September 19, 2011

It's Raining, It's Pouring, the Toilet is Snoring

Okay, it's not actually raining. However, there is liquid involved, and two children, one of whom is not in diapers. But I won't go into details. Suffice it to say that, in the future, Michael should hopefully be less hesitant about asking his preschool teacher if he can use the restroom (poor kid). And hopefully his classmates didn't think there was anything odd about his mother showing up mid-day with a new pair of shorts. Heck, Michael himself exclaimed, "What are you doing here, Mom?" as if his flooded pants weren't any sort of clue.

The other "raining" incident involved Leah and Costco, and the exact right (wrong?) angle which allowed her to demonstrate the physics involved in peeing straight out the side of her diaper all over my shirt.

When I said I go to Costco because of the warm feeling it gives me, that's not what I meant.

But, in way of literal interpretation of blog post titles, my toilet actually was snoring. Really. I followed the noise, which I thought was coming from the overzealous nose of one of my sleeping children, and discovered that the toilet was taking authentic human-sounding breaths that were coming out one whistle short of a full snore. Not to be outdone, the next night my bathtub started snoring. I am not making this up.

Well, we simply couldn't live with snoring plumbing, so we moved. What can I say, we believe in going above and beyond.

Now we have two houses that are a complete disaster area and I have enough miscellaneous junk in random places to qualify as my own K-Mart. The things I have managed to unpack have a mysterious way of wandering out to the living room again. And again. And getting dumped out and stepped on, and broken. This whole process would be a lot easier if Matthew and Leah weren't actively trying to dismantle everything I'm trying to mantle.

So, to escape the chaos, and in honor of the fact that I now have a permanent address, I decided to bite the bullet and get my Utah driver's license. Well, that and the fact that my license expires in a couple days. But, really, what could be more fun than sitting at the DMV for a few hours? And what could be more fun than taking a test full of questions relevant to actual driving like "What percentage of Utah children under the age of five regularly ride in a child safety seat?" Maybe it's just me, but it seems like it would be a lot more useful to ask a potential driver if they know what a green light is for.

But, that is why I am a stay-at-home-mom and not a bureaucrat (even if my motto is "Good enough for government work"). But, I did get the car seat question right, which means I am now officially re-qualified to hurtle my vehicle down the freeway at 65 mph. Doesn't that make you feel better? I know I feel warm inside.

Oops, forgot to change my shirt.


Stephanie Black said...

Blechh on the chaos of moving. I hope you're all settled soon! How handy that Leah and Matthew are so, um, helpful in unpacking.

And I'm not sure why a statistic is a useful question on a driver's test either. Um, how about ask what the law is regarding carseats, not how many people obey it?

MyDonkeySix said...

Good luck with unpacking. Wish we were closer to help or entertain your "helpers".
And I hate having to take the driving test. I remember I had Rachel and Jimmy with me when I went to get a license, only to find I needed to take a test. Somehow I passed despite all the "help". Sheesh!

Tiffany said...

I LOVE the way you write! I laughed all the way through this post. I've also been peed on in Costco. Oh, and Lowes just last week. :) Thanks for making my day. Good luck with the unpacking! Miss you!

fiona said...

Your own K-MART?? Now that's saying something! Sorry about all the pee, but at least it wasn't #2, right? ;) Congrats on the permanent address, and passing the driving test (despite the tough questions that weed out the not-so-capable ones... seriously?!). AND, happy birhday :D Now, put that cake down and get unpacking! Kidding! I'm kidding. Eat another slice...