The following substances are of the devil:
Christmas tree icicles
Suckers (and any other candy that is meant to be licked)
This list has remained fairly stable for the past ten years, but I have a new item I would like to add:
Yes, toothpaste. I know toothpaste is technically a good thing. (Imagine how much faster my teeth would fall out of my mouth if I didn't have a little Colgate to polish my pearly whites! With my genes and no toothpaste I think I'd be needing dentures by about next Wednesday). But, I swear Michael could not get any more toothpaste smeared around the bathroom if he filled an aerosol can with the stuff and sprayed it over every smooth surface.
With that and, um, other substances one finds in random places in a little boy's bathroom, I've been cleaning the bathrooms three or four times a day. I'm about to start wearing a bottle of Lysol and a roll of paper towels as wardrobe accessories.
Why the sudden obsessive need for cleanliness, you ask? Well, I figure pink toothpaste smeared into the sink and yellow highlights on the already-ugly vinyl flooring around the toilet are not the most effective ways to say, "Buy me."
Yes, our house is for sale.
I have not even begun to come to terms with it yet. Mostly I'm wandering around in a dazed sort of way mumbling something about losing Wegmans and never having toured the White House. You see, at least once a day I miss something about living in New York City and I only lived there for a year. So I can't even imagine how much I'm going to miss Virginia, where I've lived for almost one-quarter of my life.
But, new adventure awaits in Salt Lake City. Sure, we won't have Smithsonians in our backyard, but then, we might actually have a backyard! And my husband might be able to come home for dinner more than twice a year!
That settles it. Westward, ho!