Sunday, September 19, 2010

Oral B: Formula 666

The following substances are of the devil:

Easter grass
Christmas tree icicles
Foam peanuts
Suckers (and any other candy that is meant to be licked)
Peanut butter

This list has remained fairly stable for the past ten years, but I have a new item I would like to add:


Yes, toothpaste. I know toothpaste is technically a good thing. (Imagine how much faster my teeth would fall out of my mouth if I didn't have a little Colgate to polish my pearly whites! With my genes and no toothpaste I think I'd be needing dentures by about next Wednesday). But, I swear Michael could not get any more toothpaste smeared around the bathroom if he filled an aerosol can with the stuff and sprayed it over every smooth surface.

With that and, um, other substances one finds in random places in a little boy's bathroom, I've been cleaning the bathrooms three or four times a day. I'm about to start wearing a bottle of Lysol and a roll of paper towels as wardrobe accessories.

Why the sudden obsessive need for cleanliness, you ask? Well, I figure pink toothpaste smeared into the sink and yellow highlights on the already-ugly vinyl flooring around the toilet are not the most effective ways to say, "Buy me."

Yes, our house is for sale.

I have not even begun to come to terms with it yet. Mostly I'm wandering around in a dazed sort of way mumbling something about losing Wegmans and never having toured the White House. You see, at least once a day I miss something about living in New York City and I only lived there for a year. So I can't even imagine how much I'm going to miss Virginia, where I've lived for almost one-quarter of my life.


But, new adventure awaits in Salt Lake City. Sure, we won't have Smithsonians in our backyard, but then, we might actually have a backyard! And my husband might be able to come home for dinner more than twice a year!

That settles it. Westward, ho!


Aaron said...

Though I love how you post huge announcements in seemingly off topic posts!

MyDonkeySix said...

toothpaste is evil. what do they do with it when you are not looking? and i think jimmy doesn't even try to aim when it comes to other things!
i understand your pain. we started to freak out the last few months before leaving indiana and tried to do as much as possible in chicago. you're leaving such an awesome place!

Cath said...

You're so sly. Seriously - you hint nothing in your title or topic. But yahoo for us!!! You be coming west! We're thrilled. But at the same time, we know all too well the reality of a divided heart. Virginia will always be your home. We love you guys!

And for the record - down with toothpaste! My girls are no longer allowed to prepare their own toothbrushes.

Sara said...

I'm nearly crying I'm so excited. I've mourned not taking the chance to get to know you better when we lived in VA. I'm giddy with excitement.

But I get how tough it is to leave. I posted yesterday how there are still times when I deeply miss Virginia.

Let us know when you arrive and if you need help moving in. And Harmons is no Wegmans, but it is the far superior grocery store here and does TRY hard - at least it has a butcher and good local produce and great cheese.

Heidi said...

Holy cow. I am going to get to see you and those babies this year. Head exploding with happiness! Yay!

fiona said...

That's such exciting news! It will be hard to leave, of course, but what wonderful things (and people) await you! Um...good luck with the slightly (haha) stressful/unsavory/insane process of selling your house! ;)

Cameron and Nonie said...

Hurray! I might actually get to see you. And you owe me dinner, and I think I was in charge of dessert. It's only been 10 years so it's about time we got on that. And now we can! Yeah!!! Good luck with keeping the house clean. So sorry. It's a nightmare and I don't have to sell my house. Love ya!

overlyactive said...

We are all so excited for you to come to SLC. I don't envy the task you have though selling your house, I just hope everything goes well and quickly for you.
Abi has a fetish for toothpaste, tooth brushes and dental floss so I totally empathize with you. I have to hide all otherwise they end up in her room or scattered everywhere. She would eat toothpaste for any meal if I would let her. It's terrilbe. One time she too 100 ft of brand new floss and just kept pulling and pulling until I had a ball of floss on my floor. AHHHH!